Superman caught my eye when I was young – certainly handsome and heroic are a heady mix. Most of us have an idea in the back of our brain of what’s attractive, and we subconsciously move towards people who fit this criterion.And it’s restricting us; communicating in identical groups stymies new ideas and information from circulating. Einstein said that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. A new relationship won’t challenge you if it ends up being exactly what you sought out. Say “yes” to someone who you’re not initially attracted to. Why does the thought of walking the Appalachian Trail frighten the bejeezus out of you?It also leads to dating déjà vu: that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach where you recognize a current date is nearly identical to your ex and they keep talking about “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” nonstop. “I will only date brown-haired brown-eyed men over 5’11” with a hipster aesthetic.” Please stop. You’ll be pleasantly surprised how little an exact look matters once you find your match conversationally. How come you won’t take a slot at an open mic night to grace a crowd with your terrible stand up? If you only go to your favorite local hang outs, you’re only going to see the same 12 different guys.At first, I didn't consider him "datable" even after I knew he was interested in me.In fact, in the summer of '08, he hit on me and I turned him down flat.
Sure, he had the handsome thing down, but he was older than me, his favorite band was The Beatles (my type of guy does NOT like The Beatles), and instead of being one of the hard drinking New Yorkers who worked 80 hours a week who feared commitment, like the ones I’d always known, my husband was anything but that. It was also a lesson that made me realize we all need to date someone who isn’t our type at least once in our life.You’re not doing yourself any favors and with every rejection of a person who doesn’t exactly fit your strict physical requirements, you’re limiting your dating pool considerably. Acting against your hobbies and making yourself mildly to very uncomfortable will put you in close contact with people who actually enjoy those kinds of things. Challenge yourself by going to an avant-garde exhibit alone or to a show of a band you hardly know just to dance by yourself. You’re the only one stuck in the revolving black hole that is your type.Which is exactly the type of people you aren’t talking to right now. You’ll be shocked at just who wants to boogie alongside. Your friends probably wouldn’t mind it if you didn’t date a wounded musician for once.Having a type is great, but you really need to branch out sometimes. As much as I loathe The Beatles and always will, I learned that Paul Mc Cartney is actually a decent person and John Lennon was a wife beater.Of course that latter one is the most uplifting example, but I will say that he taught me things that no other boyfriend had taught me simply because he wasn’t my type.
I dreamed my future husband would resemble Clark Kent with his dreamy dark hair, piercing blue eyes, quiet intelligence and thick muscled build.